Confession Time: I think i am not a marriage material

Hello everyone,

I needed to get this off my chest and confess if you will. I'm a woman in my late 20's and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together in the house he owns. We have a 14 year age difference

Lately, I've been troubled though. I feel like I've been hitting the wall and I'm not attractive anymore. I've lost 20 pounds, like I wanted to, and will continue to do so. I was never really skilled with cosmetics, so I wear minimal makeup, and I dress in a conservative fashion.

I do work a lot of hours, I have a full time job and a part time job as to reduce the amount of debt I have. This seems to cause some issues in our relationship, but he works alot of overtime and we cannot afford to lose income from one of my jobs, and it's not his responsibility to pay for my expenses. I'm an adult. He also gets on my ass about how much I sleep. As if 7 hours is too much when most days I get 5 hours and I work 3rd shift. (Nightshift for my European friends) He also works nights and some how gets by on 4-5 hours of sleep. I have no idea how he does it.

I was also diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive type and I'm taking medication for it, and my state is improving. (yay!) For along time, I couldn't complete anything I started and it really ate at myself esteem. I still have problems with that, but I'm gradually improving.

I also struggled with self-loathing and self-injury, but I have not harmed myself in 4 years, but I still have scars. I've also had a tubal, because I do not want to be a mother.

I just feel beat down all the time and nothing I do is ever good enough. I need medication to get out of bed in the morning and to function during the day.

I was raised by a single parent, a teen mother, that's one of many strikes against me.

I'm also not very attractive or good at anything. Strike 2.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm too old to feel hopeless and lost.

Confession Time: Desperately, madly in love ..with no options

Dear Winningtimers, I am in love with my coworker.I am divorced thrice due to pure ill fate.and i have a daughter too.But I own a romantic heart.I have never thought I will meet my dream man,And there he is…He has all the interests of me.he thinks like me…he loved to talk endlessly with me.we were literally pulled together…It was a kind of mental attraction and closeness at first.Then I could not wait for even one day without seeing him..The problem is that…he is married.So there I am..I knew all these..I didn’t want to fall in love..I thought..I am never going to trust guys…or love them..And I was morally so against adultery…But  I couldn’t help falling in deep attraction to him.I tried to think about this as infatuation.I thought this will end soon.But it didn’t.I yearn for his love and caresses and physical affection too.He has not tried to exploit my situation…or lead me to sex..It was me who demanded his kiss one day..and I know he likes me..but not sure whether he loves me enough…he has a wife..he knows that I need a husband..he has never said ” I love you “to me.we never had sex in the true sense.he has touched me a few times …that’s all..I cry a lot…when I am with him I am the happiest girl in this world..I don’t know..whether to leave..or proceed..He urges me to find someone and marry.But I know…nobody in this world…more matching than my man…Even though he hasn’t said anything..I know that he loves his wife and child.I don’t want to ruin his family..I don’t want to destroy his life.But I need him to live..I need his love..Or I perish..

Confession Time: I’m in love with a first cousin.

I’m in love with a first cousin. We met for the first time a few months ago. I knew I was in trouble the second she spoke. She radiates warmth, passion, confidence. Things I deeply lack in myself. I didn’t want this to happen. She opened her heart to me and cracked mine wide open too. I had never felt closer to or more cared for by anyone. When we talk she gives me undivided, earnest attention that makes me feel like I’m the center of the universe…that I’m worth her time. And she has a lot going on in her own life. I fought my feelings for her, but pretending to be platonic is so painful. I feel like I violated my own moral code and in a way manipulated her trust in me because I didn’t tell her the truth. The truth is I have never felt like this about anyone. She makes me so happy. When I’m around her I feel so safe, I feel like I can be vulnerable, show my darkest side, and she would still love me the way she does. I feel like I can’t hold back anymore. It’s killing me carrying this secret in my heart every single day. Trying to act normal around her pushing back tears wanting to be with her knowing the truth will drive her away. She knows something is wrong because I’m distancing myself and avoiding contact. I’m hoping indifference will keep me from falling even harder. It hurts seeing her, it hurts not seeing her. She wants to talk to me and help me, and I’m dying to tell her, but I fear the consequences. Losing her, exposing me, breaking hearts all over again. It’s ironic that the only person I know who has overcome heartbreak and could guide me towards letting go and healing is her.  I have never fallen so hard for someone, never thought of all people, it would be someone I’m not supposed to love. I might have idealized her, and think sometimes  maybe it’s the idea of someone like her that I’m in love with. Maybe it’s not really her that I love. But either way, it comes back to her. I feel sick. I don’t know what is right. If I continue acting platonic, we still have each other. But our relationship is not completely honest because I’m hiding my secret from her. I also risk doing something stupid, shocking her, shocking everyone. Hurting her ;( Not to mention facing stigma, rejection, humiliation. If I confess, I destroy everything we had together. But it would be a release for me. I don’t like either option because both involve a world of hurt and pain. Why does it have to be her? Why can’t I just unlove her? What should I do?

CONFESSION TIME: My boyfriend is a misogynist

                                             

A couple months ago I met this beautiful man. Shy and introverted. Independent. Smart. Passionate. Successful. We were friends for a couple months before we started dating. I discovered another beautiful side to him. He was caring and affectionate and considerate and he loved me. But suddenly I started to find out this wasn't the whole picture. He had a jealous side and a violent side. He wasn't violent like he ever hit me. He'd never do that. But he has a temper and it's uncontrollable. He becomes mean and rude. It changes him. He goes from loving to cold and all for no reason. He says he has trust issues and needs to know everything about me. We live in different cities. If I meet a friend for dinner and I tell him he asks me when I knew I was going for dinner. If I say we planned it yesterday he asks why he wasn't informed. I make excuses for him. No, I make excuses for that vulnerable, beautiful guy I thought I was in love with. He berates me when I'm at the bar buying drinks saying I liked rubbing shoulders with the men out there. He wants someone independent and free thinking which he believes I am but he berates me about doing things that make me that very person. He wants to know my movements at every second. But he broke up with his ex because she was too clingy, so he says. All I feel is hatred now for this man. this unrecognisable misogynistic crazy asshole.

CONFESSION TIME: I hate my family

hello winningtimes, i hope u would post this for me?
I don't feel like I belong with my family, all of them are very different from me. I don't drink nor do I smoke, I don't party like my family. I tend to feel like the conversations my family have is pointless or they are neglecting the truth, I don't feel like I belong with them and while I'm with them I'm still very lonely. I guess my depression the last 6 years caused it. i just hate my family so much. i dont want to see them and i dont want to be around them. we are just kinda different. thanks.

CONFESSION TIME: I love my cat more than my boyfriend

Dear winningtimers, i wish i could help this situation but i think its totally beyond me.
i love my boyfriend but I've never been passionate about him.
he doesn't give me butterflies, i don't get jealous of him. he's a crappy
listener, and he's generally untidy. he continue repulses me but i don't
tell him because i wouldn't hurt him on purpose. but sometimes he pulls
out the meanest most toxic thoughts I've ever manifested. i would never
speak them but sometimes i want to. i think a lot about how my life would be
better if i wouldn't have met him. i love him but i'm not in love with him.
i wouldn't hurt him if i could help it but my life is hurting me. I think I m closer to my cat than I am to him. Maybe its because I spend more time with my cat than I do with him, guess I m gonna have to quit the relationship in the long run. Kinda confused though but breaking up with him would definitely b my last option.

CONFESSION TIME: he's 14 years younger than me, but I WANT HIM

Married. Mother of two. Ridiculously naughty crush on a man 14 years younger than me. It's gone past the omg he's cute stage to the cuddling as I run my fingers through his hair while we watch a movie stage at his apartment.
No kissing. No under clothes touching. We work together 5 days a week, he is charming smart funny and charming. (Also charming) A handful of times I've lied to my husband about a work meeting or going out with a girl friend and being with him. I see it as 99% platonic. 1% sexy
Honestly. I think he sees our relationship as 100% platonic. I don't feel guilty, though I really should, if for nothing else, the lies
Husband is getting more sex now than the past year lol. I leave work so fucking turned on after spending the day with him

I want to do so many things to this man... None of them ok for a married woman..CONFUSED

CONFESSION TIME: i got my step sister pregnant

weak, tired nd frustrated cos i dont know if i should keep it or force her to abort it..... winningtimes, help ooooo

CONFESSION TIME: Everyone thinks I'm a good guy but I'm NOT

So up until about nine years ago, I was pretty much a selfish hedonist. I was an IV drug user and a drunk, a womanizer, a criminal, and an all-around prick. I dropped out of high school and made my way playing music and promoting shows. I filled in the gaps selling drugs and stealing. Cheated on every gf I ever had.
So that was life until I was 24. That's when I got my gf pregnant, and for whatever reason decided to turn my shit around and take responsibility for once in my life. Sounds great right? "I'm going to go straight lol."
I totally did. Left my other gf, quit cheating and getting high. Well actually I kept smoking weed for a few years, and tapered off my drinking to something resembling normal, but whatever. Quit hanging out with most of the lowlifes I used to run around with. Got my GED, then an Associates degree. Cleaned up my appearance and got a job, then a better job, then moved my family to a nicer city and got an even better job.
So now I look like a pretty good guy I guess. The few new friends I have seem to think so. My son loves me and looks up to me, and my gf says I'm a good man and a good father. My parents are proud of me.

But I know all of that is bullshit. I'm not a good guy. What about all the people I fucked over? Stole from? What about the teenagers I used to have sell drugs for me? All the tweekers I kept in shards? How about when I robbed my ex-gf's parents house? How about when I fucked my bass players wife? I got away with all this shit because I kept my mouth shut. But I didn't really get away - I know what I did and I hate myself.

CONFESSION TIME: I have achieved a lot with lies, and I want to stop.

I've been thinking about the different ways to approach this. I wanted to tell you guys the whole story but that entails my whole life and that would be too much of a long read for those hungry for asap-secrets. I'll try my best to not victimize myself. * Alright. So as of this moment I lead two separate lives. One at home and one everywhere else. At my trailer park home I am a Honduran-born virgin, serious money problems, studious, hard-working, uninterested in the opposite sex until I have graduated from college. Everywhere else and to everyone else, I have been in a serious relationship with an SO for years, who is under the impression that I am half Italian/half vanezuelan, that I live in the suburbs in a nice house, that I belong to a middle class household, that I am a natural born Citizen. At home with my mom, I am the one that maintains the "house" afloat. I buy and sell what I can on Craigslist, I go to a local community college full time and I get refunds every semester that I use to pay bills and rent. She's very religious and has always emphasized the no premarital sex rule regardless of gender. She has chronic depression and when she did work she got fired from every place because of her temper and antisocial behavior. We don't have any family here. At school, I am this easy going person, not preoccupied with finances, my mom works a job that allows us live comfortably, I am of an exotic background that my friends and SO really dig. I drive a piece of shit car because I choose to, because I'm just hip enough to not care what people think. I am "really good" in debate because I have dedicated 10 years to eradicate all traces of a Honduran accent, but they think I just got lucky like every other American kid. I get home from having had sex with my SO after a good meal that cost me $30. I sit in the living room and tell my mom that classes let out later than usual while I'm looking through the gas, light, internet, and rent bills. I get so scared at the thought of my SO showing up outside my trailer house and seeing the lowlife that I really am. I am terrified that if I tell my friends the truth, they will think I am disgusting for being Honduran, that I am a dirty immigrant who has come here just to intrude. I don't want them to know how hard it is to earn the dollars that I do and for them to take pity on me and talk to me only because they feel sorry for who I am. These two separate lives started about 10 years ago, which means I have had the audacity to look them in the face and pretend to be a middle class Italian/Venezuelan. I even researched things like colloquialism examples pertaining to those cultures to be more convincing and make sure I was never discovered. I even thought about changing my nationality because I despised being Honduran so much. I've created such a mess of things, I feel like such a piece of shit every time I am with my SO and my accent slips for a second. I want to tell everyone everything but I feel so embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted with how far I let this go. I think of all the lies and coming clean and I melt into a puddle of fear and hate for myself. At least a couple of strangers know all of my truth. Thank you for devoting your time to this.

CONFESSION TIME: I can see into the bedroom of the couple next door to me and I watch.

For the last year I've been living in a 1st floor flat of a Victorian house in London. It's in a terrace and the view from my kitchen at the back of the house affords a near perfect view of the next door neighbours bedroom.
I iron a shirt every morning for work. When I first moved in I set up the ironing board in the kitchen and noticed activity out of the window as the couple next door got up and started their day.
The angle of my flat to theirs is such that it would be very difficult for them to see if they are being overlooked. the angle is very much to the observers advantage.
Ever since I've been clocking their activities and been a casual, consistent observer. I know their schedule, who gets up first (she does), how long it takes them to get ready, shower and their breakfasting habits. I know that when they're both out of the room that their cat has a habit of jumping up on the bedside table and drinking from their glass of water.
The girl (mid 30's, attractive, curvy) finishes her shower and then comes back into the bedroom (I can only see the bedroom - the bathroom is opaque glass and they have a blind) and starts to get ready pretty much in front of the window (better light for her make up, hair etc).
If our mutual timings coincide, I see her get dressed. The blind is always open as is the bedroom light (it's winter in London and dark in the mornings). She keeps her dressing gown on when she puts on her jeans (or her tights and skirt combo) so I don't get to see much of the heavy action (occasional leg, flash of arse). But I do often get to see her put her bra on, flashes of side boob, bare back, glimpse of flesh.
This morning was the best yet. She stood by the side of her bed, removed her dressing gown and afforded me a great view of her bare breasts before she put her bra on.
I only take advantage of this in a morning when I iron my shirt. Some mornings their schedule changes (or mine does) and their blind stays down or we miss each other. I confess I sometimes stretch out the time it takes to iron my shirt if I get the sense that we're going to get to the interesting part. Sometimes I get annoyed that she's taking too long to moisturise and not enough time getting dressed. I've seen her husband in the knack a few times as well (though this isn't my thing). I've never seen them have sex. Mostly I just get mild titillation from that fleeting, occasional glimpse of a breast.
I'm moving house in a few weeks so this will be an end of my voyeurism. I've enjoyed it. I don't feel bad about it.

CONFESSION TIME: Kevin Gates Admits He Has A Sexual Relationship With His Cousin

Kevin Gates is a stellar rapper and artist, but is also known for being one of the more, well, eclectic young people doing it. In addition to his constant admissions of ass-eating and his tendency to make-out with girls while their boyfriends watch in horror, Kevin Gates can now add the creepy act of incest to his list of achievements.

In a matter-of-fact coupling of Instagram videos–mashed together in one 30-second clip above–Kevin Gates admits that he found out after three months of sexual relations that his grandmother told him he was having sex with his cousin. Rather than admit to being horrified, Gates doesn’t appear to have any plans of ending the relationship, and states some very clear reasons as to why. Pls what's your take on incest, is it right?

CONFESSION TIME: I want to sell my body

Dear Winningtimes subscribers, [No Regrets] Lately, I've had two big problems in my life. I have been experiencing great difficulty trying to find employment, I apply for so many jobs but never seem to hear a thing back which sucks because I really need money right now. The other problem is that my sexual preferences are shifting. Lately I've been having the urge to sleep with strangers, so much so that not even masturbating can allow me to control these urges. Being a young female, I figure I can kill two birds with one stone and have sex with strangers for money. Seems alright with me? I just needed to get that off my chest.

CONFESSION TIME: I am afraid of dating people, because I am incredibly uninteresting

There is nothing more to elaborate. In the weekends I would rather stay home and do nothing, because that is what I enjoy. I love being alone, but I do not form any new memories, or friends that way. I just don't know why I find it very difficult to socialize. I feel I am 1 of a kind because no guy seems to like me. Any help from anyone plz?

CONFESSION TIME: My boss just told to me that he wants to sleep with me

Dear winningtimes readers, I feel so bad and
Remorse because I didn't think I was giving off those signals to him, but now he says he wants to sleep with me?! I'm soooo confused and lost right now. We are both married. I never would have imagined he would cheat on his wife. Some background, I work for him in a very small company (less than 10 people). We've always gotten along really well and share the same interests/ideas. I absolutely love this job, and there is nothing else like it around our area. It pays well, has a ton of opportunity for advancement, and has great benefits. I have no idea where to go from here. If I tell my husband he will make me quit, and I know I won't be able to find another job even close to this one. Not to mention we need my income to make ends meet. But I also don't know how to continue on in this job after the conversation I just had with my boss... I'm so confused.

CONFESSION TIME: I was dating my mom's best friend and now she's pregnant

I'm a 20 yo boy. Last year I started a secret relationship with my mom's best friend that I've called my aunt all my life. She's hot and sexy as hell and I've desired her since I was 16. I tried to seduce her for some months and finally she told me that she was falling in love with me and we had sex in her home. We've been dating twice or three times a week since then and last summer I lied my parents and told them I was going to a holiday weekend with some friends, but I spent three days in her home making love to her. Last Christmas she told me that something went wrong about her but now she's pregnant. Of course, we didn't tell my parents. I thought that maybe she had been cheating on me and she was pregnant of another man but I've been making some questions to some friends and relatives and I'm pretty sure she hadn't. When I phone her she's always crying and she told me yesterday that she wanted to marry me when the baby is born. I want to have sex with her all my fucking life because she's beautiful and sexy as a model but I'm not in love with her and I'm going to college next year and she's 39 years old. I cannot spend all the rest of my life with an older woman! I always thought it was only sex for fun. She was fucking a young man and I was fucking a hot older woman... but not the mother of my children!

CONFESSION TIME: I love women so much, that i want to dress up as them sometimes

I don't consider myself gay I am only attracted to women I never actually dressed up in womans clothing or as a woman before, but I have this huge urge to want to dress or cosplay as females. I'm not really sure what it actually means or how far i should go with it.
I have fantasys where i have a GF who will force me to wear her clothes or me dressing as a female anime character before i decide to have sex with a girl. I think its weird and I would love to stop. Need help plz.

CONFESSION TIME: Mother cheated on dad with several guys *crying*

[Remorse]:
My mother used social media sites for a couple of years now, but about 8-9 months ago she started flirting with random strangers on there. She told me about it (still don't understand why she talk about that with her 15 year old son) and it obviously pissed me off a bit, but I wasn't going hysterical over it. That changed pretty quickly, since flirting turned into sexting. When I found out about that, I completely broke down, and after a while talked about it with her. She promised that she would stop, that it wouldn't get physical. Guess what happened next. Someday in august (i think it was a friday, I'm not sure), she went to a hotel for the weekend with one the guys she had been sexting with. Both me and dad knew about it. That made dad furious, so the next few days after she returned were pretty bad. Something broke in me when she walked out that door. I lost all my respect and empathy for her. This has since become a routine in our household. It broke the family. My dad would divorce her, but since we're living in central europe (Czech republic) with a 1500 dollar income, we would probably lose everything and we would have to pay my mother money every month (since she doesn't have a job), which would make us homeless. I still appreciate how she helped me last year, when I had a mental breakdown (OCD, suicidal thoughts) but now I'm not really sure if I want to be here anymore. My dad is also feeling the same way, it has destroyed him. The worst thing about this? When she meets her fck buddies, she PAYS FOR THE MOTEL ROOM USING DAD'S MONEY, which he makes working his ass off every day meanwhile she is sitting on the couch at home, watching HBO and arranging meets with her fck buddies. She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care about my dad, she only cares about f*cking. There much more to this, I still haven't told you stories about how she used my father for the last 15 years and actually stole money from his wallet several times, but now I think I need a few joints to calm myself down. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm just lost..

CONFESSIIN TIME: I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual and can never tell a soul.

I am 25 years old and this is the first time I'm
actually entertaining these thoughts in the past i
would block it out as fast as the thought popped up.
I don't look or think about men the way I do women
it's just so weird to explain. Once in a blue moon it
doesn't happen often, but ill see a man that will
intrigue me. I have no desire to go through any
sexual intercourse with any man Its just I've met a
FEW that I wanted to kiss. There was this one man
at the basketball court, he was gay and wasn't
hiding it. It's the first time I remember wanting to
take a man home. Holy shit wtf am I saying. . .i can
never tell my family any of this ever and I probably
will never act on it. I LOVE women I love having sex
with women I've never touched a man before in any
way sexually before, but sometimes. . . I look at
something, but Im not really even thinking anything.
Im not even sure why I looked at him twice. . .i don't
know. . .im going to my grave with this, but one
thing that scares me is that Ive been thinking about
that guy from the courts all day and Ive been
thinking of going back and Oh my God I don't
fucking know. . .

I am the worst kind of guy to date.

[Traditional]: I am the worst kind of boyfriend. Every
girl I date is like this: I usually like you enough to
keep dating you without breaking up, but I don't like
you enough to want a more committed relationship.
So I always just float through relationships without
going any further, totally wasting anyone's time who
wanted something more. Sorry.  From Tunji, Lagos.
Kinda short, but that's all our reader sent.