The older man/younger woman combo is
nothing new and is a reality that has and will be
around for a long time. How many ladies out
there dated the senior jock in high school when
they were only freshmen? And how many men
out there are with women right now that they
have a couple years on? Women date older
every day without a second thought, but I
guarantee you there aren’t too many women in
my age range doing it like me. My older man
doesn’t have a few years on me, and if you’re
thinking he has a decade on me, good guess,
but add an ‘s’ to the end of that.
The love of my life is 54 years old. I am 25.
I didn’t set out to date someone who could
literally be my father—my dad is actually 3
years younger than James. As a matter of fact,
I always thought these relationships were a bit
weird and incestuous, but when I met James
three years ago I knew instantly that he was
someone I wanted to be with. No, he’s not a
sugar daddy and he doesn’t pay my bills. He's a
regular man, with a regular 9-5 just like the rest
of us. What attracted me to James was that he
was different from the guys my age who were
more interested in sex and partying than
traveling, trying new things or spending a
Saturday afternoon at the museum. Sure, I’d
have more in common with a guy my age, but
James was a breath of fresh air. He swept me
off my feet with his honesty, maturity and his
love. And while I was concerned initially that he
was using me as ego-boosting arm candy, he
proved that he wasn’t just interested in dressing
me up and showing me off, but actually getting
to know me.
James’ family called me a gold digger that
would run off with a younger man the first
chance I got. It’s been a tough road trying to get
our loved ones to accept our relationship. My
father wouldn’t speak to me for months and
having him and James in the same room
literally became a dangerous situation at one
point. James’ youngest child refused to meet
me and in no uncertain terms told him she
wasn’t interested in having a “big sister.” Even
his ex-wife jumped on the bandwagon and was
totally against him having his children anywhere
near me. These days, while most still don’t
agree with our relationship, they’ve come to
accept it.
Now don’t get it twisted, it’s not all roses and
cotton candy when you’re dating a man nearly
three decades your senior. James and I argue
about everything from social media usage to my
wanting to go on girls-only getaways with
friends. Another big area of contention for us is
children. With me being 25 years old, I would
love to have a child in the next few years, but
for James who has two children already (the
youngest being 6 years younger than me),
having another child when he’s pretty much
“home free” is a bit scary. He also has an
annoying habit of treating me like his child and
not his partner from time to time, something that
bothers me greatly.
Alas, the bigger picture for us is that we love
each other. I’m not sure what the future holds
for James and I, when I picture my life all I see
is him in it so I hope those visions become
reality. To some, our relationship is temporary
lust with no staying power, but I think the
smartest decision I’ve made in my twenties so
far was dating an older man. It has forced me
to focus, be more mature and really take stock
of what I want for my future, something
many twenty-somethings don’t grasp until
maybe their 30s…maybe. It hasn’t been easy
and as we navigate the road ahead, and
especially as we negotiate a family of our own, I
just hope that we stay strong in our love and in
each other. It has gotten us this far, hopefully it
will take us a lot further.
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