Wednesday, 24 December 2014

CONFESSION TIME: ‘I cheated on my wife to save my son’s life’.

Children are said to be gifts from God. For that
reason, this writer was prepared to do anything to
save his son’s life, including having an extra-
marital affair.
When I met Katie, my current wife, I had already
been married before and had a young son. While the
marriage had not worked out, the subsequent
estrangement from 1-year-old Dave was an
unbearable consequence of the divorce. I was
adamant that I did not want any more children if I
could not be a proper and present father to the child
I already had.
When I told Katie about this — many, many months
before I asked her to marry me — she was clearly
heartbroken, and I thought that it may just be the
end of our otherwise perfect relationship.
But we talked through it, and Katie was finally able
to agree that our love was worth it, no matter what.
Our part-time custody of little Dave would be
enough, she said, as long as she still had me.
When Katie and I got married it truly was the
happiest day of my life, and occasionally I
considered how selfish I was being, and wondered
if I could give her the baby she craved — create our
own little family.
But every time I had to hand Dave back over to his
mother, I remembered the pain of everything I was
missing. I had missed Dave’ first steps, first proper
words — first everything. I couldn’t and wouldn’t go
through that again. Katie was wonderful with my
son, and every weekend I realised how unfair I was
But knowing my reasons for not wanting more
children, my beautiful, selfless wife never said a
word after we were married — though I’m sure she
shed many tears in private. Around the time that
Katie and I shared our fifth wedding anniversary,
my son turned eight and suddenly got very, very
My little boy was diagnosed with a rare type of
leukaemia. He needed a bone marrow transplant or
he would die. My ex-wife, Maria, and I were not a
match, and there was no match on the national
donor register either. Our best chance, we were
told, was to provide a sibling for Dave. I asked if
Katie and I had a baby what the chances would be
that he or she would be a match, only to be informed
that with a different mother, statistically, the chance
of it being a match would be the same as if it were
a complete stranger.
I was glad that Katie wasn’t at the doctor’s office to
find out how close I had come to making her a
mother — but if it wasn’t going to help Dave, what
was the point? Driving them home from the doctor’s
office, Maria hit me with a bombshell: what if she
and I were to have another baby? We could keep it
a secret. At first, I was outraged.
It didn’t matter what the reason; cheating on Katie
was cheating on Katie, and I wouldn’t do it. But
when I looked over my shoulder to the backseat
where my son — once so full of life and promise —
was sleeping fitfully, exhausted to his very bones, I
knew I had no choice.
When I got back to Maria’s house, she put our son
to bed. And we slept together. Over the next few
months, Maria and I slept together whenever she
was ovulating. It only took about three months
before we got the news we’d hoped for: Maria was
pregnant with my baby.
Subsequent tests revealed the further miracle that
our new little boy would be a perfect match for
Dave. Now we just had to wait and see if he could
last the months until the birth. I didn’t go to see
Harry being born, and had to sneak out to visit him
in the hospital. For all intents and purposes, he is
not my son — an elaborate denial to ensure that
Katie never learns the truth. Occasionally, when
Dave comes to stay Harry comes too, just as a play
For that reason, even he doesn’t know who his
father is. Again, Katie is just wonderful with my new
son too, and I live in fear every day of what she
would do if she knew what a scoundrel I am. I won’t
give her any children of her own, but was perfectly
prepared to cheat on her with my ex wife, to create
a sibling that would save my son. Names have been
changed. Picture posed by models.
Your say: Did the end justify the means? Do you
think this father did the right thing? Should he tell
his current wife what he did or continue to keep the
secret from her? Have your say about this true


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