Saturday, 10 January 2015

CONFESSION TIME: Everyone thinks I'm a good guy but I'm NOT

So up until about nine years ago, I was pretty much a selfish hedonist. I was an IV drug user and a drunk, a womanizer, a criminal, and an all-around prick. I dropped out of high school and made my way playing music and promoting shows. I filled in the gaps selling drugs and stealing. Cheated on every gf I ever had.
So that was life until I was 24. That's when I got my gf pregnant, and for whatever reason decided to turn my shit around and take responsibility for once in my life. Sounds great right? "I'm going to go straight lol."
I totally did. Left my other gf, quit cheating and getting high. Well actually I kept smoking weed for a few years, and tapered off my drinking to something resembling normal, but whatever. Quit hanging out with most of the lowlifes I used to run around with. Got my GED, then an Associates degree. Cleaned up my appearance and got a job, then a better job, then moved my family to a nicer city and got an even better job.
So now I look like a pretty good guy I guess. The few new friends I have seem to think so. My son loves me and looks up to me, and my gf says I'm a good man and a good father. My parents are proud of me.

But I know all of that is bullshit. I'm not a good guy. What about all the people I fucked over? Stole from? What about the teenagers I used to have sell drugs for me? All the tweekers I kept in shards? How about when I robbed my ex-gf's parents house? How about when I fucked my bass players wife? I got away with all this shit because I kept my mouth shut. But I didn't really get away - I know what I did and I hate myself.

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