Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Confession Time: I think i am not a marriage material

Hello everyone,
I needed to get this off my chest and confess if you will. I'm a woman in my late 20's and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together in the house he owns. We have a 14 year age difference
Lately, I've been troubled though. I feel like I've been hitting the wall and I'm not attractive anymore. I've lost 20 pounds, like I wanted to, and will continue to do so. I was never really skilled with cosmetics, so I wear minimal makeup, and I dress in a conservative fashion.
I do work a lot of hours, I have a full time job and a part time job as to reduce the amount of debt I have. This seems to cause some issues in our relationship, but he works alot of overtime and we cannot afford to lose income from one of my jobs, and it's not his responsibility to pay for my expenses. I'm an adult. He also gets on my ass about how much I sleep. As if 7 hours is too much when most days I get 5 hours and I work 3rd shift. (Nightshift for my European friends) He also works nights and some how gets by on 4-5 hours of sleep. I have no idea how he does it.
I was also diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive type and I'm taking medication for it, and my state is improving. (yay!) For along time, I couldn't complete anything I started and it really ate at myself esteem. I still have problems with that, but I'm gradually improving.
I also struggled with self-loathing and self-injury, but I have not harmed myself in 4 years, but I still have scars. I've also had a tubal, because I do not want to be a mother.
I just feel beat down all the time and nothing I do is ever good enough. I need medication to get out of bed in the morning and to function during the day.
I was raised by a single parent, a teen mother, that's one of many strikes against me.
I'm also not very attractive or good at anything. Strike 2.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm too old to feel hopeless and lost.


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