LADIES: Warning Signs That 'Your Mr. Nice Guy' Will Break Your Heart

Just because he's "nice" doesn't mean he may not hurt you. Here's how (and why) ...
There's a good deal written about bad boys: how to recognize them and how to avoid getting your heart broken. But, bad boys aren't the only
dangerous men out there in the dating world. You need to watch out for the "super nice guys," too.
What's so dangerous about a super nice guy? Well, just like a super nice women, super nice guys bend
over backwards to avoid hurting your feelings.
They want to avoid conflict at any cost and so they "make nice." They shy away from expressing how
they really feel if they think you won't agree.
The danger of getting involved with a super nice guy is that they send mixed messages about how they feel.
You think he's being open with you, yet something doesn't feel quite right. He talks about the future
and says just what you want to hear; he wants marriage and kids (lol). Naturally, you assume that since you two are dating, this future dream of his includes you. But does it?
Something doesn't seem quite right and you can't put your finger on it. You find yourself second- guessing your feelings and questioning the truth of your relationship.
Here's what makes this situation so hard.
A super nice guy really cares about you and enjoys your company, but he also will do anything to avoid
hurting your feelings; he will never admit he's not in love with you!
Rather than make waves, he'll spend his time with you until someone better comes along.
You're not who he envisioned for his future, but he's afraid to tell you. He probably doesn't want to lose your company or the comfort of having someone he likes to go out with. He doesn't want you thinking he's a bad guy either. So, you're easy and "good
enough" to fill the time until that truly special woman comes along.
How do you recognize the guy who is super nice?
Here are five signs to watch out for:
1. He talks about the future without including you specifically.
2. He attends to your needs more than his own, usually out of guilt for not feeling fully engaged with you.
3. He avoids disagreements, preferring always to keep things status quo between you.
4. When you ask him directly how he feels about you, he's unsure and indirect. He may say he deeply cares for you, but follows that with, "I
need more time," or, "I'm not ready for a full commitment yet."
5. Your relationship seems to plateau at a certain point and stops growing.
Super nice guys can end up wasting a lot of your precious time. The mixed messages he sends
leave you feeling conflicted about breaking up with him because after all, he treats you so well and he
obviously likes you.
Let's face it, sometimes you choose the easy way, too. You can rationalize that having a boyfriend is
better than being alone. You can tell yourself that maybe his feelings will change.
But then you're being just like him—settling.
True love relationships grow deeper and stronger with time. If that isn't happening, you'll have to
become the "bad guy" and break it off. He he he. So young ladies out there, shine your eyes... Enjoy your week.

Must Read: Possible reasons why women cheat and how to avoid it.

The first question that comes to mind when a spouse cheats is: Why? A recent study by the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, attempted to answer that question and found that the reasons behind infidelity differ greatly between the sexes. For men, it's typically about the sex—the more sexually excitable they are, the more likely they are to cheat. For women, it's more about the level of satisfaction in her relationship; if a woman is unhappy in her marriage, she's 2.6 times more likely to cheat. Regardless of the reason, there's one thing that's certain: infidelity is devastating. But there can be a silver lining. "In many cases, it forces issues to the surface of a relationship that would have never otherwise been dealt with," says Kevin Hansen, author of Secret Regrets: What if You Had a Second Chance? Read on to discover what life lessons these five women gained through their personal experiences with infidelity—and what you can learn from their stories.

"My husband was abusive." "From the day I married my husband, I knew it was a mistake," says 50-year-old Elizabeth Smith.* "He was abusive, controlling and expected me to quit my job to make a home for him." A little over a year into the marriage, she began having an affair with a man that she worked with. "I had no illusions that I was in love, but it was eye-opening to be with someone that made me feel good about myself, made me laugh and respected me for who I was—not who he wanted me to be," she says. "The affair helped me find myself and proved to me that I could live a life independent of my husband. It also gave me the courage to ask for a divorce. Twenty-five years later, I'm married to a wonderful man. We love making each other happy, and never try to change who the other person is," she says.

What You Can Learn: While the confidence gained from the affair may have given her the spark she needed to get out of a bad relationship, New York City psychologist Michael E. Silverman, PhD, says if you're in an abusive relationship, deception isn't the best way to deal with it. Get help first from a trusted friend, family member, therapist or one of the numerous nationwide resources instead.

"We began to resent each other." When Vanessa Myers*, 28, married her husband six years ago, they both couldn't wait to have children, but after their wedding day something changed for her. "I started to really love my job, and kids didn't seem to fit into the picture," she says. Her husband was hurt by her change of heart, and began to resent her. "We started fighting a lot, and I resented him for resenting me and we were just constantly hurting each other," she says. "One night I caught him trying to slip off the condom and that was pretty much the end of our sex life." Ultimately, the lack of intimacy caused Vanessa to cheat. "I met a guy online and we dated for about a year," she says. "It ended when my husband caught me." Vanessa and her husband agreed to seek therapy separately and together, and were able to save their marriage. "The biggest lesson I learned was that if I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was only 50% to blame. [Having] an affair gave me the courage to ask for what I wanted in my marriage," she says.

What You Can Learn: While what her husband did may be shocking, the fact that there was unaddressed anger in the relationship created fertile ground for an affair, says Dr. Silverman. "Coupled with the lack of sexual intimacy there was nothing left to hang a relationship on," he says Even though the affair helped Vanessa learn some valuable lessons and the relationship was ultimately saved, Dr. Silverman stresses the importance of open and honest communication in a relationship as a way for a couple to stay connected—before one of the spouses seeks comfort or intimacy outside of the marriage.

"I was bored and unhappy." At 35-years-old, Barbara Gisborne was living the American dream. She lived in Madison, Wisconsin, with her loving husband and two children—but she was miserable. "My husband was a good man, but I was bored inside and out," she says. "In our community, I always felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole." That year, she was in Chicago on business and met Bob, an Australian man, on an elevator. "We had an instant connection. We exchanged numbers, kept in touch, and I decided to fly out to Australia to see him and get him out of my system," she says. "Instead, I fell in love." She left everything she knew—her hometown, her husband, her job and her country—to start her life over with Bob in Australia. "I became strong, independent, confident and much worldlier," she says. "That was 25 years ago and now I can say that my affair was the turning point in my life's journey. Today, Bob and I are married, own a winery in Australia, and have five children and 10 grandchildren between us."

What You Can Learn: Though Barbara's story ended up with a "happily ever after," that's not always the case when it comes to infidelity, which is why Dr. Silverman suggests looking inside yourself if you're unhappy or bored with your relationship. "Healthy relationships grow and evolve, and feeling bored is a symptom of relationship stagnation. Rather than having an affair, increase the romance, change habitual patterns within the relationship and communicate more about your feelings and needs." If you just need a change of pace, try booking an exotic vacation with your husband or girlfriends, or discuss moving to a new city and starting over.

"My husband was a workaholic." For 10 years, 49-year-old Barbara Singer created a life independent of her husband because he was never around. "Gary was totally consumed and exhausted by his work—there was nothing left for me," she says. "I was totally committed to my family and gave it my all, but knew in my heart that I certainly did not want this for rest of my life." One night, she met up with Tom, an acquaintance, and ended up staying out all night with him. Within a few weeks of meeting him, she ended her marriage, and two years later, she and Tom were married. But within a month, he died of a heart attack. "Meeting Tom was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. He came into my life and woke me up, showing me…that life is precious and that at any given moment, it can all be taken away, so if I have a dream or a goal, I better get moving on it," she says.

What You Can Learn: "Barbara felt alone for many years, and feeling disconnected from your partner is the genesis of most of the affairs I see in my practice," says Dr. Silverman. The remedy? Speak up and begin a dialogue with your partner. Engaging in open, honest communication about your needs with your husband is the key to help a stalled marriage.  To find out more about Barbara's story, go to LivingWithoutReservations.com.

"He was unfaithful first." Larie Norvell had only been married about a year when she found out that her husband had cheated on her. "I was very angry, but I was also very hurt, because I felt like I wasn't enough for him—like there was something I wasn't doing for him as his wife, which is why he felt the need to go outside of our marriage," says the 33-year-old. That jumble of mixed emotions was the impetus for her affair. "I cheated on him—mostly for revenge, but in retrospect it was also because I wanted validation. I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men," she says. Once her affair was discovered, the couple separated for a few months—but then began to seek counseling and were able to salvage their marriage.

What You Can Learn: Retribution is a common feeling when someone has been betrayed, says Dr. Silverman. "Anger can be quite powerful in clouding one's judgment," he says, which is why he urges any couple dealing with infidelity to seek counseling. Fortunately for Larie, her relationship endured the double deception. "The biggest lesson we've learned through all the struggles in 14½ years is that we are enough for each other," she says. *Names have been changed to protect identity.

RELATIONSHIP: 7 Things Every Women Should Know About Men

Men and women are created differently by God. Things that matter a lot to women don’t matter as much to men and vice versa, for the most part. Theories about men’s behavior have evolved based on studies conducted on men aged 18 to 22. Women often complain that men’s behavior seems odd to them. Here are a few things women should know about men:

• Actions speak louder than words 
Men cannot read minds and they are not as expressive as most women are. Tell your man what you want and he will try to give you that. Stop expecting him to understand and fulfill your expectations on his own. Tell him what you expect and want. For example if you want him to surprise you with a special date tell him you love it when he surprises you with a date.

• Men want to be respected
Men expect respect in public and in private. They excel when they know you trust and admire them. They want respect more than love. If you respect them, they will respect you, and will try to maintain that respect. After all, respect is something that can only be earned. Shaunti Feldhahn, nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author, and speaker, showed research that shows men would rather withstand loss of loving feelings from their partners than to lose their respect.

• They are insecure
Men are sensitive when it comes to their role in life, whether at work or at home as a father and husband. They are internally secretly vulnerable, which they will rarely admit. A woman should acknowledge her husband’s role which makes him more confident and secure. If you stop giving him affirmation he is likely to seek it somewhere else.

• You don’t need to look perfect
It’s not necessary to always look like an actress or model, men like it simple and natural. If he loves you he is going to love at your worst. You don’t need to change your personality and looks to please him. Be yourself and he will appreciate you and your inner beauty. It is flattering to take time to dress up a little for special dates, so keep doing that, but you don’t need to spend a lot of time to get ready to go to the store.

• Men need space too
Sometimes women become overly solicitous and get too involved so that men feel suffocated. If your guy is asking for some space don’t take it personally, he actually just needs space, it doesn’t have anything to do with you or your relationship. Taking time for yourself to do your own thing is healthy, you should enjoy some alone time too.

• Selective hearing
Studies show men and women usually have different interests when it comes to conversation topics, women often talk about love, relationships, and other people while men find these topics boring, they appreciate ideas and productive topics. If you want a productive conversation discuss topics that interest both of you.

• Sex is more than sex
If you want more frequent sex from your guy it will boost his confidence and performance in all aspects of life. If you maintain physical and emotional distance he is likely to feel rejected and insecure. Intimacy is an important factor in a relationship. The most important thing about sex is if are compatible, if not, see a therapist.

RELATIONSHIP: Did you know that Swimmers 'make the best lovers'? -- survey

Swimmers 'make the best lovers' -- survey

They say don't judge a book by its cover, but new research suggests you can tell a lot about someone just by looking at what sports they play -- and it seems swimmers make the best lovers.

Cyclists are more likely to be emotionally stable, runners the most extrovert, and walkers the least materialistic according to new research launched by the British Heart Foundation, in collaboration with Mindlab who surveyed 2000 adults across the UK in February and March 2015.

The survey might prove useful to Britain's political parties ahead of the May 7 election as they jostle for voters' attention.

People that go to the gym are most likely to vote Conservative, while runners tend to back Labour, while there is a strong Liberal Democrat streak among cyclists. Oh and if you're a yoga devotee you're probably a Green party voter.

The survey also revealed that over half (61%) of UK adults wanted to take on a challenge for charity, whatever their "sports personality" type.

"It has long been known that exercise is not only good for your body, but also your mind. The results from this study show that no matter what kind of person you are, there is the right kind of exercise for everyone" said Dr David Lewis, Neuropsychologist and founder of Mindlab.

So what sports personality are you? Here's a breakdown of the study's findings:

Cyclists

Tend to vote Liberal Democrats

Are laid back and Calm

The least likely to be depressed or suffer stress

Materialistic

Runners

Tend to vote Labour

Are extroverts

Love being the center of attention

Listen to lively upbeat music

Swimmers

Make the best lovers

Are charitable

Tend to be happy

Good at keeping tidy

Walkers

Like their own company

Are charitable

Don't like drawing attention to themselves

Least materialistic

Yoga

Very agreeable and conscientious (organized, find it easy to put themselves into other people's shoes)

One of the least materialistic groups

Most likely out of all groups to vote for the Green party

Gym

Extroverted and highly emotionally stable (less likely than others to suffer mood swings)

One of the happiest groups

More likely than other groups to read the Sun

Most likely to vote Conservative

RELATIONSHIP: 7 Undeniable Signs He Loves You

He said he does but you're still unsure. Here are 7 undeniable signs he loves you.
It can be hard to know if the guy you're with loves you or loves you not. From my own experience, a few things makes it difficult to know if he loves you :
your definition and experience of love is different from his your expectations that love has to be a certain way. Your insecurities get in the way of seeing things clearly and his words, behaviors and actions are contradicting, causing you to doubt his feelings for you.
 He Loves Me, Loves Me Not Situations Like most women, you will meet, date and be in
relationships with different types of men. And during the course of your love life, you'll experience one or all of these situations. Guys you've known for a short time will tell
you they love you without really knowing who you are. If this happens, don't believe them.
They most likely have an ulterior motive, like trying to have sex with you , and are using those three big words to sway you into bed.
Guys say they love you but don't treat you as if they do because they don't know how to love. They love themselves more than they love you
or aren't capable of love. You will know you're with this kind of guy because you will doubt
and question his love for you.
Guys who don't say those three words and don't treat you well. These guys don't love you. You should leave this kind of person to be
available for a somene who will treat you well. Guys who don't say those three words, yet treat you with love. These guys may actually
love you. They may not wear their heart on their sleeves and are more comfortable expressing their love through actions instead of
words. Guys who say they love you and treat you with
love. There is no doubt that they love you. If you date or are in a relationship with this guy,
he is a keeper. So, how can you know if the guy you’re with truly
loves you or loves you not? If your guy exhibits these 7 signs, he most likely loves you.
1. He Treats You Well
A guy who loves you is considerate of your feelings, needs and desires. He makes them as important as his desires and needs. He is
concerned with your well-being and will do things to make your life better, sometimes going out of
his way to do so. Not only does he treat you well, he is also good to your family and friends.
2. He Is Generous With His Time
He doesn't let too much time go by without seeing you. When he is available, he wants to be with you
and chooses to spend his time with you. If you're in a long distance relationship, he is spending time
with you whenever your schedules allow. And you are together during major holidays such as
Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve.
3. He Makes You A Priority
You are at the forefront of his mind and he maintains contact in between the times you see each other. He considers you when making
decisions and is considerate about doing things you want to do. When speaking, he uses "we"
instead of "I", and includes you in his future plans.
4. He Cares For You
A guy who loves you is genuinely happy for you
when good things happen to you. He is compassionate when you're going through challenges. This guy is there for you in the good and not so good times. He thinks about you and
surprises you with tokens of affection outside of your birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day. He
will also challenge you by calling you out on stuff to help you become a better person.
5. He Wants People To Know About You
He is affectionate with you in public by holding your hand, putting his arm around you and/or hugging you. He is proud to be with you and has
introduced you to his family and friends. He brings you to family functions and get-togethers with
friends, and takes you to company events.
6. He Treats Your Relationship With Integrity
He is trustworthy and loyal to you and your relationship. He is upfront with you about his past
girlfriends and skeletons in his closet. He does what he says and will let you know if he's not able
to. When issues come up, he is willing to work through them. Although he isn't perfect, he tries to
be a better man.
7. He Wants The Best For You
A guy who loves you encourages you to do things you love, even if it means doing these things without him. He wants you to spend time with
family and friends. He encourages you to find and live your passions, knowing that if you are happy
and engaged with life, you'll be happy and engaged in your relationship with him. Behaviors and Actions Mean More than Words
Don't believe a man's " I love you " if his behaviors and actions aren't backing up his words. You'll
know if you're in this situation because you will feel uncertain and question his love for you. Pay
attention to this feeling because your intuition is telling you something isn't right. Place less weight on his words and more weight
on his behaviors and actions. From my experience, a man's behaviors and actions are more revealing
and show if he loves you or not. It's easier for a man to say, "I love you" because that's what you
want to hear. The true test of whether he loves you is if he exhibits the signs described earlier. When a
man loves you, you won't need to hear the words because you will just know.
    What other signs show that he loves you? Leave a comment below
with your answer!

HEALTH: How being in a relationship can affect your health

When you’re officially off the market and settled into a comfortable relationship, you may be more apt to let yourself go— to wear sweatpants and eat ice cream on the couch with your significant other. 

You’ve found someone who loves you unconditionally, so why bother, right? Although your suspicion that a happy relationship could be bad for your waistline is partially correct, there is actually more evidence that suggests a healthy partnership is good for your health.

While numerous studies have linked stress from a bad relationship to a higher risk of heart disease— and even death— healthy relationships can reduce those risks, while boosting life satisfaction and, according to some experts, your net worth.

We’re not talking strictly about heterosexual married couples, either, says Timothy J. Loving, an associate professor in human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin and co-founder of Science of Relationships.

“It’s not the marriage certificate” that bestows the benefits, he says. “We’ve seen very similar benefits in same-sex couples after accounting for things like discrimination and different societal support. And we’ve seen it in people in nonmarried cohabiting relationships as well.”

The complex link between relationships and health

 “We do know that individuals in positive relationships appear to live longer, [and] are less likely to suffer from coronary heart disease and some of those things,” Loving says. “What we know less about are the biological mechanisms underlying that.”

While no one can say for certain exactly how a good relationship positively influences health, there are a few notable possibilities. One lies in a common pet peeve in romantic partnerships.

“When we live with someone or are around that person for the majority of the time, they’ll nag us when we aren’t doing something in the right way, like getting that lump looked at or seeing the doctor,” Loving says. “For example, we know that men especially are more likely to take advantage of the health care system when they have a partner pushing them to do those types of things.”

Having someone you love and trust in your life can lessen your stress and give you a healthy coping mechanism when life throws curveballs. This is true for both men and women, but it’s this specific perk that Loving says lends the greatest benefits of healthy relationships to men, as they’re more likely to value independence and emotional detachment in traditional Western culture.

“When guys are able to get into a long-term partnership with someone, it kind of creates a safe outlet for those things,” Loving says. “In this way, men seem to get more of a boon than women, who tend to maintain better support networks as a whole and who may be better at dealing with their emotional responses.”

These stress-busting effects, for both genders, are not only good for mental health, but also play a role in reducing the risks of chronic disease. A study in the journal of the American Medical Association links the effects of stress to immune and inflammatory responses, depression, and autoimmune, infectious and coronary artery diseases.

Financial perks of partnerships

And as for finances, like mental and physical stress, the potential benefits are reserved for the most well-adjusted relationships.

Being married increases the likelihood that you’ll have health insurance and access to care, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The agency also says that while married and unmarried adults have about the same rates of falling ill, those who are married are likely to have shorter hospital stays and lower health care costs overall. Pair this with double the earning power, and the financial benefits of being together seem obvious.

But arguments about money are a notoriously touchy spot— and the largest predictors of divorce, according to researchers at Kansas State University. There, a study led by Sonya Britt found that the stakes were high in money arguments, regardless of income level or net worth. Good communication, which can help prevent such arguments, is crucial for both financial and romantic health, the study suggests.

Essentially, not just any romantic relationship will do. The potential for whole-health benefits is there, but primarily for the most well-adjusted partnerships.

“The mere fact of just checking off the box that says ‘I’m in a relationship’ doesn’t really tell us much without knowing how the relationship is working,” Loving says. Good relationships, like those replete with trust and sensitivity, are the kind that will offer the biggest health perks, even if they include a bit of nagging.

RELATIONSHIP: How to Survive a Relationship With an Addict

How to Survive a Relationship With an Addict

When one member of a couple is an addict, it can take a real toll on the relationship. Still, divorce or separation isn’t the inevitable result of loving someone who struggles with addiction. If you love that person, it’s important that he or she gets help.

But you also need to know how to cope with a loved one’s addiction, to protect your own mental health, and avoid making mistakes that could worsen the whole situation. You need to know how to avoid enabling your partner’s addiction, while being realistic about the situation, standing firm against manipulation, and taking steps to make sure your own physical, emotional, and psychological needs are met.

Don’t Be an Enabler

If you’re taking steps to protect the addict in your life from the consequences of his or her behavior, then you’re being an enabler. Enablers generally mean well when they start taking on the responsibilities of an addicted loved one or doing other things to protect him or her from the consequences of his or her drug or alcohol use. A partner who enables may fix things the addict broke while under the influence, clean up the addict’s vomit, help the intoxicated addict into bed, make excuses to the addict’s boss, take on the addict’s commitments, or bail the addict out of jail. Protecting an addict from the consequences of his or her behavior in this way only allows the addict to continue living in denial, without seeing the true effect substance abuse is having on his or her life.

When you stop enabling, the addict is forced to face the real consequences of his or her actions. It can be scary to stop enabling someone important in your life; you don’t know if the person will end up checking into a rehab center or elsewhere, or if the worst will happen instead. But it’s a risk you have to take, because an addict needs to face his or her own behavior in order to change.

Accept That You Can’t Fix the Addict or the Addiction

Neither you nor your loved one has any control over the addiction. You cannot single-handedly fix the other person. You cannot love, nag, or coddle a person out of addiction. You cannot control your addicted partner’s behaviors. You can only control yourself, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll stop trying to control an addict who cannot be controlled.

Be Realistic

Addiction is a chronic disease with a high relapse rate. If your loved one does not get help, you may need to leave the relationship. Even if your loved one does get help, the road to recovery can be a long one, and relapse is always a possibility.

Remember to set boundaries with your partner and support him or her in a life of sobriety. Even one instance of substance abuse can send an addict spiraling back into a full-relapse, so you’ll need to remain vigilant even after your loved one is sober.

Don’t Let Yourself Be Manipulated

Addicts are expert manipulators, and your partner will try to use his or her skills at manipulation to get you to give in to all of his or her demands. Your significant other may resort to lying, cheating, guilt-tripping, raging, or blaming when you refuse to acquiesce to his or her demands, but that’s just because he or she is panicking at the prospect of having to stop addictive behaviors.

Giving in to the addict will only make the manipulation worse. Stand your ground, and your addicted partner will soon realize that he or she is not going to get his or her way and will give up trying to manipulate you.

Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean being selfish. You can’t help anyone if you’re emotionally, psychologically, and physically depleted. While wanting to be there for your addicted partner is noble, you should make sure your own needs are met before you turn your attention to meeting your partner’s needs. Get plenty of sleep, eat right, and exercise regularly. Make time for your friends and other loved ones, as well as for hobbies and activities you enjoy. You are the only person responsible for meeting your needs, so if you don’t do it, no one else will.

It’s never easy to be in a relationship with an addict. Even after the addicted person gets help, it can take a long time and a lot of work to heal your relationship with the person. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. As long as you’re realistic and approach the relationship with a healthy sense of boundaries, you can repair the damage addiction has done to your partnership.

5 Reasons Men Cheat & 4 Solutions To The Problem

Find out what drives men to cheat and learn some effective ways to prevent infidelity.

With the past disclosures from General David Petraeus — who resigned as head of the CIA after admitting to an extramarital affair with his biographer — stacked on top of all the other recent political figures who have cheated on their spouses, we're asking the question, "What are men looking for when they cheat?" 

Statistics indicate that cheating is much more common than we might like to believe for both men and women. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of "After the Affair," says that infidelity now affects one out of every 2.7 couples. Then there's the dating site for married people looking to have affairs, AshleyMadison.com, which boasts of having almost 17 million anonymous members. It's clear that something is missing in many marriages these days.

Based on my (Bob) own life and the conversations I've had with other men, including my male coaching clients, I've assembled the top five things men are looking for when they decide to enter into an extramarital affair — unconsciously in many cases. It's really not just about thesex!

Five things men are looking for when they cheat:

1. Emotional connection. As relationships mature, power struggles tend to become more prevalent (as obvious as the "I'm Right"/"No, I'm Right" conversation and as subtle as the timing and frequency of sex). When a man experiences repeated power struggles with his spouse, his natural tendency is to "go to his cave", which really means get quiet and distant and grumpy! Which makes emotional connection that much more difficult. Over time he misses the emotional connection he previously felt with his spouse.

When he meets someone new and they accept him for "who he is" it's much easier for him to connect with his emotions and feel connection with this new and interesting person. Of course when the lust and honeymoon period are over and the power struggles start to arise in the new relationship he'll likely revert to his well-learned pattern and his struggles will start all over again.

2. Appreciation. Men loved to be appreciated and like so many people they don't really know how to accept appreciation!  Or how to ask for it or even how to give it to themselves (or to other people for that matter). So when it stops being quite so plentiful from their spouse and if the relationship contains a heavy dose of blame and criticism (as most do) or even possibly contempt, men start looking for positive affirmations from others. With the new love interest everything is wonderful — he is wonderful — in the first flush of a new relationship — then we all tend to fall into upping criticism and dropping appreciation.

3. Intimacy. Men want a partner who will listen, who will volunteer information about their own lives and discoveries and someone who smiles and excitedly shares their hopes and dreams. Of course, men don't generally know how to communicate this. In their existing relationship the tendency is to think, "We're married, I know everything about you … " In their new relationship everything is new and exciting and learning about the new partner is initially easy and the feeling of intimate connection is created.

4. Feeling wanted. Everyone wants to feel wanted regardless of age, gender or occupation. Men are no different. And men tend to be socialized to provide security and strength as an expectation, rather than something to be appreciated for. As life moves along a man can often feel like his contribution is taken for granted and who he is, as opposed to what he can provide, becomes less important. In a new relationship suddenly he matters again.

5. Sex. Speaking of fun activities, men generally do want sex and the more the better. Sex is one way that men feel connected to their partner. Men also feel appreciated and wanted when they have sex with their partner. So for men, sex provides the first four items on our list plus physical pleasure that allows men to focus totally on the present moment. In a new relationship the sex tends to be a lot more frequent. At least initially!

So what's the answer?

When a man thinks about cheating it's likely that he's not happy about the relationship he's in and/or that something is missing. What also seems to happen is that men feel victimized by their relationship and believe they have no power to influence a change. "If only she would …" is often a refrain that many married men espouse and yet they say nothing to their partner. Or complain that when they try, she just doesn't listen.

Sure there's a part that the partner plays in all this but I'm talking about the male side of the equation and what the man can do to find what he's looking for within his relationship.

I see four main approaches being part of the cure:

1. Be brave. Speak up about what is concerning you or lacking in your relationship — regardless of the response that comes up from your partner. If you want something different in your relationship, you need to become courageous and communicate clearly. Then the possibility for creating something very different and special can exist.

2. Take responsibility. Be open and interested in what you are doing to contribute to the state of your relationship. And be willing to make your own changes.

3. Recognize the difference between feeling sexual and taking action. Sexual feelings, like all our other feelings, are not under our control. Acting on our sexual feelings is totally under our control. Don't use the "I just couldn't help myself" line to excuse your behavior.

If you really are not fulfilled, sexually or otherwise in your relationship and you think that the answer is to cheat, think again. The answer is to delve into yourself and your partner and your relationship to create something new. And if that is not possible then the answer may be to leave the relationship — openly, clearly and courageously.

4. Shoot for the moon. Maybe we've taken our relationships for granted or maybe we set our relationship goals too low. What would happen if we shot for the moon when it comes to ourintimate relationship and make this partnership our highest priority? Through making our connection our highest priority we can begin to learn so much about our partner and ourselves such that life feels exciting and alive all the time. 

With this approach men can look inside their relationship for the answers rather than to the next exciting fling. And with more than 25% of divorces now coming from the over 50 crowd, with withdrawal being the leading indicator, it's time to make our closest relationship vibrant once again!  

 

MUST READ: How to approach a lady

This is sincerely a ``must read`` for guys!
Most times, Approaching a lady with the Intention of Making Your Feelings Known to Her, can be the most difficult thing for some guys, especially if he has genuine feelings for the lady. If you think you need extra help in approaching a
lady, carefully follow these steps below.. Enjoy!
Firstly, you can start by saying “Hey or Hello” After that, don’t just let everything out at once, pick up a conversation, you can start with something cool or funny. Just try to make her smile.
Secondly, When you're approaching a woman, make sure you comport yourself. Have a good body language. Make your body language to tell her that you’re calm and confident, even if your heart is pounding faster than it should. Make sure you're walking with a straight back, your head held high and your arms loose at your sides.
In addition, , If she’s with her friends, don’t be afraid, many guys try not to approach a woman who is hanging out at the party with her friends. Don’t be afraid, make it become an advantage. Making friends with her friends and being able to charm the group will even help them to recognize that you’re actually someone they would like to get to know, they will see you as a powerful person.
Finally, If at the end you get rejected, don’t take it personal, don't feel too down, just see it as you escaping what would have been the wrong relationship.

Don’t Ever Go Into Marriage With These 8 Kinds Of Men

It’s every girl’s dream to one day get married to that man that would make her happy and make her life better. Believe it or not, marriage is a big
issue when it comes to a girl’s life, no matter how successful she is or how indifferent she seems to marriage, she wants it bad. The society, and even families have actually not made it any better. So ladies of a certain age begin to worry and become anxious about wearing a ring and walking the aisle in a white dress .In the process due to poor judgement and not hearing from God, some
ladies have jumped into marriages that has brought about their downfall. For the single ladies,
here is a list of men though you met them in church or at a charity event or at the hospital waiting on sick and deformed children or that glorious place where only good guys go to , albeit well spoken and wealthy that you should never say I DO to.

1. SMOOTH OPERATOR/PLAYER:
This brother thinks he is God’s gift to women, he is
calculating, well spoken ,tactical. A smooth
operator. He goes about proposing to ladies and
convincing them, it is a special mystical
attraction, something beautiful , beyond you and I,
and for the very spiritual ladies ,it is the will of
God, only to go back on his word when he sees
another lady he believes is better than the last one.
He has a sugar coated tongue and can talk himself
out of any situation. “It is you not me,” ” i just need
sometime alone to get myself together”, ” i don’t
think, i am good enough for you”, Most times he
even extorts money from the ladies , promising to
give it back because his check has been delayed,
his clients has not paid, his dog died or in the
name of God’s will. From such, run.

2.THE PERVERT:
To the freakish and wayward lady he may appear
fun to be with, he is always talking about
sexually related topics and cracking dirty jokes, he
indulges in pornographic materials, he believes
women are meant to cook and be slept with only.
He believes sex is a recreation, and so pays no
mind to how many partners he has had, would ask
for sex before marriage and has no plans to buy a
ring but prefers a live in lover and would simply
claim it is a test of compatibility. Most of his
friends are just like him, perverts!; they would
gather after work and talk about their many
victorious conquests and if he eventually decides
to marry , getting married to this brother would
lead you down the path of heartbreak, misery, sin
and disease.

3. MUMMY’S BOY:
This mummy’s boy is in most cases a carbon
copy of his mother and is tied to her Apron. All
decisions have to be made by his  mother, mummy
said this, mummy said that, he would constantly
compare you to his mother. You would soon
discover that you are married to his mother. Why
you should also never get married to a man who
has no regard for his mother, don’t put yourself in
the bondage of having a mother in law influenced
marriage. This group also includes the weakling,
who cannot put his foot down but would allow all
members of his family treat his wife like a foot mat,
seeing nothing wrong in the disrespect of his wife
by his friends, and family alike. This kind of
marriage is very heartbreaking as the wife might
eventually lose all self esteem and worth or be in a
constant battle with her own extended family.

4.WORKAHOLIC:
This brother is always chasing money at the
expense of having good relationship with even his
family members, in some cases he may be a nice
man, but his priority is first any thing that brings
money even at the expense of having a good
relationship with anyone even God, you would
constantly feel alone in that marriage and you
would have the sole responsibility of raising your
kids. He would give you money but money we
know is not everything. Run from the workhaholic.

5.THE LONE RANGER:
This Man (lone Ranger) has issues with all his
family members , his place of work and he does
things solely on his own.He is his own mentor and
he looks up to nobody, he rates himself by himself
for himself. This type of man is one of the most
dangerous men to marry because your life, career,
vision, everything would be at his mercies. This
kind of man also tend to be abusive because they
are answerable to no one but themselves.

6.THE DICTATOR:
This brother is also close to the lone ranger, he
seems to be nice and considerate sometimes but
afterwards you discover that the only opinion that
counts is his. His words are louder than his
actions. He has his whole life planned out and you
are supposed to just fit in or there would be
trouble, he sees your thoughts, ideas and opinions
as inferior to his. He is a vision killer. marrying you
would just be something on his bucket list, then
you would also need to fulfill another , which is all
what he believes and wants you to be to him. He is
simply a dictator not a husband.This kind of man
would also occasionally hit his wife or fiancee.( Let
abuse be a tie breaker in whatever relationship
you are in). Sometimes this brother comes around
with a drinking addiction, or drug habit. From such
flee.

7.THE LAZY DRONE:
This brother is slow, always inactive, prefers to be
fed in Bed, has no focus, or clearly cut goals, has
a non-chalant attitude to everything around, finds
it difficult to keep his house, his clothes or even
his car clean, tends to be disorganized and
clumsy, this lazy drone needs just about 3 helps
not a wife.

8.BROTHER FOR SHOW:
This brother lives in the “notice me” world, he can
do anything for people as long as it is in public and
people would like him at the expense of his own
family, or even himself. This is the kind of man that
can take his female colleague or boss to the
grocery store or Main markets to buy things while
his own wife or family member would take a cab.
He goes to clean other peoples’ yard while his is
dirty because he wants to be seen and respected
by the public. You would be better off being the
public to this brother than being his family
member.
Love is patient and kind but not blind. Pray for the
right man for you and also open your eyes and did
we also forget to mention that only the right lady
finds the right man. Be wise Sis. Kindly use the comment button if you have more tips to add.