This might not be the weirdest confession or
anything but it’s been bothering me for months
now.
I was unsure of my sexuality before I fell in
love with this girl. She was someone from my
school and she was really smart and good in
her studies. I was only average and not-so-
popular in my grade.
I’d known her for more than five years but I’ve
never once spoken to her because we have
totally different friends and no mutual friends
between us. Until recently, I started making
friends with her friends and we started talking.
I know I’m in love with her because I’m always
staring at her and stalking her in social sites. I
know it’s weird and bad but I love her, and I
felt that I need to know her more.
The problem is, I’m sure she isn’t into girls. A
guy in our grade had confessed his love for her
and she had said that she’d probably be with
him after Grade 12. That saddens me so much,
because I know I’ll never get to confess my
love to her without her getting really mad at
me. She’d detest me and hate me for the rest
of her life. I didn’t want to end our friendship
and she’s really important to me, and I do not
want to lose her. She isn’t my best friend or
anything so she wouldn’t understand me even
if I’d told her my true feelings.
I couldn’t tell this to my family or friends. My
parents would probably kick me out if they
knew they had a lesbian daughter. My friends
would look down on me too because my group
of friends dislike lesbians and gays because
according to them, LGBTs are gross.
I didn’t know what to do. Grade 12 is about to
end and we’ll all be off to college next year and
we’ll be going on separate paths. I’ll probably
never see her again and I’ll end up being
regretful about not telling her about my feelings
for her, but if I’d told her, she’d hate me very
much for this.
I clearly wasn’t hoping to make her love me
back or anything. I just want her to understand
that there’s someone out there who is willing to
give up everything just to be with her. I want
her to know that I’ll be there to support her and
care for her even if she does not realize it. I
want her to know that I genuinely love her and I
am being serious about this. But I know I’d
never tell her these, because I didn’t want to
lose her and I didn’t want to haunt her. I want
her to live a happy, ordinary life. I do not want
to burden her because of me.
Nevertheless, I still want her to know that no
matter what lies ahead in the future or who she
ended up with, my initial wish to her was that
she’d be able to live happily for the rest of her
life. I want to promise her that no matter who
comes into her life in the future, I’ll love her
more than any of them does. If you’re seeing
this, my love, please keep in mind that you’re
beautiful and you have a big and kind heart.
I’ve never loved anyone like I’ve loved you.
You’re a very special person and I’ll always
remember you, even after we’ve gone on
separate paths.
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